This technique was put forward by Jennifer Kolari, who is a social worker and researcher. She’s been writing books and running a clinic to help families overcome conflict. It stands for Connect, match the Affect, really Listen, Mirror the emotion.
In our Coach training we speak of active listening; Kolari adds a twist which is mirroring. It goes like this, if someone is upset (or whatever emotion), you jump into their perspective fully, imagine how they are feeling and why, then express that to them in a manner that matches their affect. Don’t do this so that you can get what you want out of them, just be real, do it fully committed. The person will feel heard, they will feel “you get me”, and it will have a physiologically calming effect.
Then you can move forward with setting boundaries, or whatever needs to happen next. It works well for kids but works for any human in any situation. Arguments escalate because people don’t feel heard, so they repeat their message again and again, louder and louder, if both parties are doing the same, it’s like hitting your head against a pole, it can’t progress.
Try this, or if you want to read more about it look up Connected parenting. It’s applicable to Coaching to create authentic listening, reflection, empathy and deep connection.